Recently I received a phone call from a man I used to know. Well, I say know, more accurately, have sex with on occasion. The man in question was married. He was in an allegedly happy relationship but enjoyed extra marital sex, with women foolish enough to agree to those extra marital activities. *Raises hand*.
I don’t look back with starry eyed illusions that I was anything more to him than a bit of fun on the side, or that he was anything more to me than a reasonably attractive man with a fairly large penis who served a purpose at the time. He was, what I like to refer to, as a total waste of time. A person with very little respect for his wife, his lover or indeed himself, also known as a complete knob jockey. (the type who shaves off all of his pubic hair and ‘surprises’ you on your birthday by wearing a gold cock ring ... but that’s for another day.)
Oh, the joy of hindsight.
And yes, before you throw the woman’s solidarity book my way, I take full blame and responsibility for my part in the ‘affair’ and recognise, with age, and a considerable amount more respect for myself, that the time spent in his company would have been far better spent, on the sofa/asleep/filling in my tax return form. Perhaps not quite as exciting, but in the long run, far more nourishing for the soul.
Married men who say they’ll leave their wives and don’t ... do not leave their wives. Ever.
So, the adulterer in question called yesterday. He wanted a catch up and it took him, oh, let’s see, all of about 4 minutes to divert the conversation onto sex, as in, can we meet up for. He threw in a ‘miss you’ which I thought was chivalrous of him, shucks, he nearly had me there.
You see, here’s the thing. A man who consciously and continually cheats on his wife (and never leaves) isn’t a person of passion, but with too big a heart to destroy his partners life, he’s not SO nice that he doesn’t want to disrupt his daughters GCSE year or create unnecessary anguish within the family. He is a cheat, with a hard on, who wants a fuck.
Isn’t this easy!
Of course, I am a woman of open mind and recognise that people are in wrong relationships, they meet other people and fall in love, its a sad fact but life goes on, and should such a situation occur the only man one must have any respect for is a man who tries his very best to avoid genuine long term hurt and sadness. He takes responsibility of his actions and recognises that although painful, the fewer lies told the more he is giving his partner the respect in a desperately sad situation she deserves.
They don’t make excuses about GCSE’s, step aunts mastectomies and pre-booked holidays that cannot be cancelled they stand up to the responsibility and they let that person go.
To reassure those who I may have confused about the benefits of cheating, I’ll tell you what I got out of having an affair with this married man. The odd pair of shoes, the occasional dinner, brain freeze from staring at my phone for so long and an aching jaw, and, no, it wasn’t from the riveting, intellectual conversation we shared.
Nay, It’s not even the wife that should be in the forefront of your mind when embarking on an affair, hell, lets be brutal, you’re not married to the women, and have most likely never met her before in your life, it is the fact that the man you are shagging isn’t man enough to be brave, to be honest to somebody he has shared a decade/home/family with. Nope, he is a coward, which I think you’ll agree is not the sexiest state of being for a man, no not at all.
The simple message is this, when you fuck a man who isn’t yours make sure you’ve got a stop watch near to hand, give him a time limit, no excuses, ask for more than a fuck once a fortnight and THEN see how much he loves you. That big family graduation party? Yeah, that’s bullshit, if he loves you he’ll leave and if he doesn’t, by all means continue, but remember, it is not you he is interested in, it is your vagina and no doubt numerous other vaginas to boot.
Affairs can be fun, they can also be fucking exhausting and a total waste of everybody's time. His wife doesn’t understand him? Yeah I bet she doesn’t settle for sucking his cock in a hotel room now and again either. And who wants integrity and genuine commitment when you can have a a couple of hours at a west end bar once once a fortnight. Tsk, some women don’t know how good they’ve got it.